Over on our Twitter side yesterday I retweeted a tweet from Boynton Beach Police Department regarding a news article about a criminal with an outrageous excuse for why he possessed some cocaine powder - he claimed it was flour for his pork chops.
That got me thinking about some of the most incredible excuses I have encountered during my career so far. Two stand out as the best I've heard.
During my time as a vice and narcotics detective many years ago, we would occasionally conduct surveillance in the Munn Park area for lewd activity. This was years before downtown was redeveloped to the wonderful area it is today. One night we observed two subjects engaged in open lewd conduct in the park and moved in to make arrests. Upon getting the subjects separated and up from the ground to handcuff them, one of them commented "Officer, I just want you to know I had nothing to do with this."
Really? Then please tell me who is responsible for what you were just doing on your knees in public view if you had nothing to do with it. He went to jail that night.
The second favorite event was also during my time in vice and narcotics. We were executing a drug search warrant at a residence when a subject came up to the house to buy drugs. We identified ourselves as police officers and upon searching the subject located a small piece of crack cocaine in his pants pocket. The subject uttered, "Officer, these aren't my pants."
Really? I completely understand. I often make the mistake of putting on someone else's clothes in the morning, too. It all makes perfect sense now that you explained the pants thing to me.
That guy went to jail that night, too.
- Asst Chief Bill LePere